My husband and I have made teaching obedience to our children a top priority. Why? First, it is for their safety. If they can't obey something as simple as "Come here, please." then they won't have the practice or trustworthiness to obey immediately when we say, "Don't touch that!" as they're reaching for a spider, or when we say, "Stop!" as they are running toward a street. Second, it is to teach them ultimate obedience to God. God will sometimes ask us to do things we think are impossible, unreasonable, or whatever else. But He wants our hearts! He wants us to trust Him! Just ask Moses, who gave one excuse after another as to why he shouldn't or couldn't go speak to Pharoah! Ask Abraham who DID demonstrate obedience to the point of being willing to sacrifice his own son! Ask Joshua who walked around a city for a week instead of going to war with it! And ask Gideon who decreased his army to just a handful from thousands so God could demonstrate His power!
So as parents we feel it is our job to teach our children what it means to obey right away, completely, and joyfully when asked or told to do something by an authority, assuming that what the authority is asking or telling them to do is not dangerous or contrary to God's Word. That should be the main and only filter. And that takes maturity and discernment, which comes with age and experience. For now, as young children, they just need to master the practice of joyful, willing obedience to a trusted authority. Imagine the benefits for a child as they grow into a young adult and get their first job; how their careers will benefit from that kind of joyful willingness! Imagine how that will look on their driving record and auto-safety when they know how to respect and obey traffic laws! Training obedience is tricky. It must start from a young age, must be worked on constantly and consistently, and must be demonstrated. This is where I struggle. I struggle to model the kind of joyful, willing obedience to my authority as I (we) expect our children to exemplify toward us. Who is my authority? It is my husband. Now I know that may strike a nerve with some of you, and that's ok, but let me just explain what that does and should look like. My husband has never EVER demanded my obedience. It is out of my respect for his position as my husband that I DESIRE to be obedient. He is not better than me. However, within our marriage, in our home, someone must take the lead role, and Biblically speaking that is his job. Having two people vie for leadership results in division and chaos. So one person needs to be willing to step slightly back from head-lead and be the support for the leader so that person can grab the helm firmly with both hands and direct the ship! I have also found recently that I tend to fight for leadership in many things, but I truly excel as second-in-command. When there is a strong leader and a specific direction, it is not only easy, but a joy for me to suppor that leader however I can! Even with all that, it is still a struggle for me to let my husband lead and not question his authority. Take today for example. He and I were working on fixing the boys' bunkbed. When it was done, I was sitting nearby reading a book to our toddler and he was going to put the mattress back on the top bunk. He made a comment about me and her needing to move, but I said, "No I don't think we need to move. But I can help you if you want." I told him, "I know it's not too heavy for you, but it's awkward." He declined and said, "No, I'll just do it from the end." He had planned on putting it up from the side, which made more sense. So he heaved it up there, and it caught the ceiling fan, breaking a fan blade arm. In my head, I was thinking, "See? If you'd only let me help you!" being on my high-"look at what a good help-meet I'm being by offering to help you, then not berating you for doing it your way and breaking something!"-horse. But then the Holy Spirit reminded me what had happened just seconds before: he ASKED me to move! If I'd just been submissive and obedient to him, my authority, as I require of our children to us, their authority, THEN he would've been able to put the mattress up without issue and the ceiling fan wouldn't have gotten damaged. So it was a great reminder to me that it doesn't matter WHY he's asking me to do something, just as it doesn't matter why we are asking our kids to do something, or why God asks us to do something. I need to just do it. He'd even said an hour earlier that he wanted our little one out of there, and I argued because I thought his reason was silly, and he said, "It doesn't matter why! I just want her out!". He wasn't being mean. He was losing patience. And that was my fault. In the end I need to just do what he says. I've observed he's usually right anyway, and when he's wrong it usually doesn't matter. He's amazing, and he'd never lead me astray! I can trust him completely with my well-being. I know his intentions are always good for me. So what's the big deal with just listening to him? None, really, other than my own pride.
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Crystalmommy & teacher to four daughters and two sons, & four asleep before birth Jump to These Posts!
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