If you've read my previous post about my issues with controlling my temper, it should not surprise you that this is an ongoing effort for me. More on this in a minute. Recently, my bestie (who inspires all of my best ideas!) was telling me about this homeschool conference she went to and how she heard this lovely speaker discuss the importance of establishing good habits in ourselves and our children. I thought this was a great idea and had many in mind. The first habit I wanted to establish was spending time in God's Word daily. We made a sticker chart and I was, for the first time in years, faithful to spend time daily, even if but for a few minutes, in God's Word... well, I missed one day when I had a stomach bug of some kind, and the very last day... drat! And then, as things go, my daily time became more sporadic until I realized that it's been days, maybe a week, since I read God's Word.
Then enter my bestie again. :) God truly does use her to speak to me! She heard a message about the importance of spending time in God's Word DAILY; that each day God has something for us for where we are in that moment. That day will never be recovered and we will never be "that person" who we were yesterday. Each day we are unique and going through unique circumstances. Each day God has something for us. This reminded me of God's manna, which He provided daily for the wandering Israelites. Each day they were to collect only enough for that day and whatever was left over must be tossed because it would be rotten the next morning. (Exodus 16) And that's how it is for us with our time with God. Each day He has manna from His Word, Bread from Heaven, for us that is good for only that day. The next day it will be of little to no use to us for the new day's circumstances. Don't misunderstand. God's Word is living and active! What we learn each day helps us every day! However, the unique lesson, encouragement, exhortation, correction that God has for us for that single day will not be able to impact and change our hearts to be more like Him if we do not go out and collect it! And of course, what we collect one day may not be what we need for the next day's needs. This brings us to today. I woke up encouraged and decided that enough is enough! I need to be in the Word! I need my manna for today, because I am noticing that my ability to control my temper is diminishing each day I'm not in the Word. I sat down in my usual spot with my tea and prayed. I prayed that God would help me to control the rise of rage that comes on me when I get angry with the kids. I prayed God would make me a master over this sin rather than a slave to it. I prayed that Jesus would make Himself real to me in a deep way, the way He did when I came to faith. I prayed that He would speak into my sould as I read His Word. I prayed that He would help me lean on and into Him when those moments of anger rise up in me. I began in Proverbs 23 (today is the 23rd of June, also my bestie's birthday!) Then I began thinking of where to go next. My girls are studying Genesis 1-3 with the National Bible Bee Summer Study Program, so I thought I'd read that today. God has had me in James since I started my daily habit of being in the Word, which started in April! Each time I try to read elsewhere, He beckons me back to James. Today I thought maybe Genesis would be ok. Nope! Back into James I went! And this is why He had me in James today. As I was reading, I was considering my prayer and my struggle with anger. And I came to God's first tug at my spirit. James 1:5-8 NKVJ 5 If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all liberally and without reproach, and it will be given to him. 6 But let him ask in faith, with no doubting, for he who doubts is like a wave of the sea driven and tossed by the wind. 7 For let not that man suppose that he will receive anything from the Lord; 8 he is a double-minded man, unstable in all his ways. Well, I knew I had prayed for wisdom, and mostly self-control and mastery, and I think I asked in faith... and I hoped I wasn't doubting, because I certainly don't want to be like the wave, tossed around. And surely I'm not a double-minded man, unstable in all my ways! God couldn't be telling me this! I'll just keep reading. I got stopped in my tracks again. James 1:12 NKVJ Blessed is the man who endures temptation, for when he has been approved, he will receive the crown of life which the Lord has promised to those who love Him. God spoke to my heart. I am to endure the temptation to blow up at my kids in rage. I am to endure that feeling of rage welling up in me, and I am to take hold of it, actively choosing to reject it and choose grace and love. But how? I wondered as I read this. How am I going to do that? What does it even look like? The answer soon came. James 1:19-20 NKVJ 19 So then, my beloved brethren, let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath; 20 for the wrath of man does not produce the righteousness of God. I have meditated on this verse again and again as I've read through James over the past 3 months. But today, God was having this conversation with my heart as I read through James. This is "how". I am to slow down, not knee-jerk react, but to listen to the leading of the Holy Spirit and be slow to wrath. My outbursts of rage do not produce God's righteousness in myself or my children, either in their responses to me and eachother or by my example to them as they grow up. Then when I began feeling like this is just too hard for me, God's encouragement came. James 1:21 NKVJ Therefore lay aside all filthiness and overflow of wickedness, and recieve with meekness the implanted word, which is able to save your souls. Reading this verse over the past few months, I reasoned that while I have sin and struggles, surely it is not "filthiness" and "wickedness"! But He showed and confirmed to me the truth in my prayer: that my rage literally is an overflow of wickedness and the only way to combat and master it is to recieve His word, daily, by spending time in prayer and in His Word. In the end, this will save me from my sin! But God reminded me further that it's not enough to just pray and read and voila! all my wrath and rage will disappear. James 1:22 NKVJ But be doers of the word, and not hearers only, deceiving yourselves. I need to be active in living the truth I know is in me, and He WILL give me mastery over this. And He reminded me this is not a one-time thing. It's not going to just go away after one day of prayer and reading, even though I have prayed earnestly for Him to just take it away and heal me completely from it! James 1:25 NKVJ But he who looks into the perfect law of liberty and coninues in it, and is not a forgetful hearer, but a doer of the work, this one will be blessed in what he does. I need to be looking into God's law and abiding, walking, resting, and meditating in it continuously! I don't want to hear His law and promises and admonitions and forget them. I want to practice, know, memorize, and live them daily. God's blessing is then promised to me! He will bless my efforts and make them fruitful! And then He spoke firmly to the depth fo my heart. This is what conviction is. James 1:26 NKVJ If anyone among you thinks he is religious, and does not bridle his tongue but deceives his own heart, this one's religion is useles. My wild tongue is the worker and demonstrator of the sin and wickedness overflowing in me. If I think I am or will be a light in this world to my children or those around me, which I have assumed and even prided myself in, and I continue letting my wicked heart and tongue rage out of control, then I have deceived myself. I have indeed deceived myself. I am usless before God and man. My "religion" is not and will not be effective to reaching my children for Christ or being a witness to the world around me. That's a pretty harsh truth and I needed to hear it. Thank you, Lord! Work in me! In the end, God's Word is living! He is changing me, little by little. Today He reminded me that He does indeed not only hear my prayers, but He truly does care for me. He has had me in James for 3 months and it took me until today to see all this that He has been trying to teach me. Whether He has me continue in James tomorrow, I don't know. But I do know that His manna for today was more generous and vivid than I've EVER received. I am so thankful. He has been answering my prayers lately in a very clear way, and this is just one more example! Thank you, Lord!
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Crystalmommy & teacher to four daughters and two sons, & four asleep before birth Jump to These Posts!
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