By Crystal Turner
4/29/2018 I am a mom. I have 6 kids. SIX... KIDS... And they are my blessing! And my busy-ness. I also work full-time As a teacher. I homeschool my kids. All day. Every day. My house is not perfect. Far from it, actually. My kids get dirty. Funny thing, kids and dirt. They seem to attract each other. Especially when your backyard... Is dirt. Their clothes get dirty, too. Even stained. *GASP* My girls have long hair That gets tangly. And sometimes, My kids cry Because I tell them "No." And set boundaries And establish discipline. And sometimes They Just Cry. If you were passing by And saw my kids Dirty In stained clothes With unbrushed hair Coming out of a Lived-in Played-in Schooled-in Home, Crying, You might have initial doubts About my parenting methods, Abilities, Attitudes. You might even consider calling "The Professionals" To handle such a SEVERE case Of neglect And abuse. But what don't you see? You don't see siblings Happily playing tag in the backyard, "Sledding" down the hill That is made of dirt In their new clothes On their bellies. You don't see me Nursing a baby While trying to pay bills, Make doctor appointments, And plan dinner While the toddler gets undressed... Again. You don't see the art projects The science projects The sewing and crochet projects The building projects Being started, worked on, and abandoned or completed By every child And adult Daily. You don't see The thousands of pages of literature Being read in every corner of my house At every hour Day and night. You don't hear The simplest melodies Being butchered And mastered On Great Grandma's piano. You don't see children Learning how to "cook" and "bake"... By themselves. But not yet cleaning up their mess. You don't see An exhausted and stressed man Come home and want nothing more than to collapse But instead pile six children on and around him To read each of them the book of their choice Before praying with and for them. You don't see The cuddles, the kisses, the smiles, the chats The tickles, the hugs, the wrestling, the games You don't hear The "tuck-me-in" and "I-need-a-drink" The "Mommy come wipe my butt" The "Daddy I threw up" The "I had a dry night!" The "The toothfairy came!" The "I get an allowance?!" The "Watch what I can do!" The "I'm sorry, Mommy." The "I love you." The "I love you, too." You don't know that My mom wasn't around When I was a kid And my dad raised four of us By Him Self. That I didn't know how to cook Or clean Or manage money Or manage a home Or garden Or shop Or plan meals When I got married And have learned nearly everything I know From YouTube, blogs, books, friends, and radio programs. You don't see that I have had to learn EVERYTHING As I go And I still have a LONG WAY TO GO. All you see Or THINK you see is A mother shouting at her children, "GRAB YOUR SHOES AND GET IN THE CAR!" But you don't see that I am trying-- Desperately-- To gather my ducklings And rush them out of the house To karate Or church Or Costco. My Friend. If you see a family Whose children appear unkempt Whose mother appears ragged Whose home appears untidy Be slow to pass judgement And quick to offer a loving hand And friendship... And a real grown-up conversation. She probably hasn't had one of those, Or a shower, All week. And please, For the sake of the children, Make calling "The Professionals" A last resort. Written on behalf of myself, a victim of childhood trauma at the hands of CPS, and every honest-to-goodness Mother and Father out there who has had the unfortunate experience of being visited by "The Professionals" on account of a conflict-avoidant-busy-body-do-gooder unnecessarily calling in a complaint against a family who they know nothing about because they have only taken the time to judge them and make assumptions about them but haven't taken the time to actually meet them and get to know them. I want to clarify... no one called on us, but people--"FRIENDS"--have advised our In-Laws to call on us, which they didn't to God's credit! However, when I was a kid our family was needlessly harrassed multiple times and we were removed from our home as very small children once. I wrote this because a lady shared that her family was reported because her children were dirty and her home was untidy. And my heart broke for them. This is just a grown-up version of tattle-taling, and it is cowardly. I want to also add that there are times... albeit few... when children are removed from a dangerous situation. But why did it get that way? Because we've been taught that it isn't our business and to not butt-in and to just call "The Professionals". The truth is that if you actually build relationships with your neighbors, and talk to them and get to know them, you will KNOW if there is a problem. And the rest of us... well we need to be approachable and teachable. If someone comes to us with a concern, we need to acknowledg that and own it, even if it's not necessarily founded. This is a good reminder to me, to all of us, to make EVERY effort to live at peace with ALL men. I can do this by making every effort to see to it that my kids are dressed appropriately for leaving the house, that we reach out to our neighbors, that we maintain our home and property. We are to be a light, Christian Family! A light that shines the love of Jesus to our spouse, children, and neighbors. And neighbor... before judging a person by how many kids they have or how they live their life, take a look at your own life and examine yourself honestly. Are you truly worthy of the position as their judge? Have you attained perfection? If not, and I'm guessing not, then judge not, gossip not, and call not.
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