After writing my previous post on sacrifice, I felt like adding a little story of something that happened to me today.
No one saw it. No one knew. Just me, myself, and my Lord. I laid a sacrifice on the altar. And I didn't realize how much it would hurt until I did it. In one little click, I laid down a dream I thought I had given up years ago. My years in undergraduate schooling were spent learning all about nutrition and the field of dietetics, as well as food science. I loved it! From my childhood I had always had a deep interest in health, foods, and physiology. I didn't even know what a dietitian was until I was a senior in high-school, but when I heard of it, I knew it was for me! My attempts, however at becoming a dietitian were halted, as the school to which I applied that had a program for such things denied my application. I was instead accepted to the local California State University, Northridge... practically in my backyard. There went my dreams of "going away" to college. I had no other choice but to enroll. By the Lord's providence, and unknown to me until well into my first semester, CSUN had one of the most desirable nutrition programs in the nation! It was buried under another college name, so I didn't see it when I originally chose a major. Instead, I had opted for business administration. I quickly changed my major to nutrition and was so happy! I had big dreams. I would become an "RD" (Registered Dietitian), get my master's degree in prenatal, infant, & childhood nutrition, and open a practice counseling families with overweight children. I would also get married at some point and have a family, and send the children to a respected Christian private school. I would work on earning my Ph.D. and eventually teach at the University level. Around the time I switched my majors, I met the man who would become my husband. We married during the summer between my third and fourth year of school. Our first daughter came during my second-to-last semester (it took me six years to graduate). It was then that the Lord began changing my heart. I realized how much I loved being with my daughter at home, and even though my husband supported my dreams of a career, he also supported me when I decided I just couldn't put that precious gift into daycare. We never figured on my potential income as a source of finances for living, so it was not counted as a loss. The Lord also changed my heart toward homeschooling, and I never looked back... ...until today. As I was checking my email, I recieved a LinkedIn invitation from a lady I knew in college. We took almost all of our courses together and graduated together. I saw her profile picture and her name and remembered her immediately. Except there was something different about her name. It had these two letters following it: "R.D." My old school chum was now a Registered Dietitian. How I had dreamed of writing my name, "Crystal Turner, R.D." and one day, even adding "Ph.D." The message in the email was simple. It read, "I'd like to add you to my professional network on LinkedIn." Her professional network. She even looked like a dietitian. It struck me in a way I have not yet experienced. Suddenly, I was grieving the loss of a dream that will never be. I knew I had to fully give it over to God, which I had thought was a done-deal years ago when I began the adventure of home-schooling. I guess not. After taking a deep breath, I located the tiny-printed, faintly-colored word "unsubscribe". I would have to unsubscribe from all requests from LinkedIn to truly and fully sacrifice it. As much as I was honored this lady remembered me and thought enough of me to invite me into her circle of professional peers, I needed to lay this down on the altar of grace. God has given me a loving husband. He has blessed me with four amazing children. He has allowed us to raise our children the way He has led us. He has provided for us finanacially so that I can stay home and raise up soldiers for the Cross. Yes. Laying down my dreams as a offering of thankfulness to God for His work in my life is the thing to do. My heart began welling up with grief and longing for a different life which I will never know. However, as I began the process of removing myself from the LinkedIn list and deleting the email, and even writing this post, the grief is fading and is being replaced with joy and thankfulness for the life I do have. A fancy title, a private practice, and other people's children cannot ever compare with my titleless name, messy home, and my own children... and for my husband who still supports me. Sacrifice is hard. If it wasn't hard, it wouldn't be sacrifice. But it is ALWAYS worth it!
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Working on the Walk...
More than just being a parent, my job is to teach my children about the Lord, so that when they are old enough, they can choose to walk with Him or away from Him. I pray they walk with Him. See my latest efforts to impact their hearts for eternity here! Jump to these posts!
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